Relationships.
You know that relationship that is just so doomed for failure. The one that’s like a train wreck that both you and everyone else can see from miles away. You continue, knowing in the back of your head that if you just patch up things it only delays the inevitable wreck, but secretly hoping by the grace of God that you were wrong.
It’s like that on and off relationship that you just keep running to, or that old friendship that you hold onto because well you’ve been friends for this long, it’d seem like such a waste to let it go.
But—
when the bad starts outweighing the good, and that’s a constant factor.. and you hate yourself when you’re around that person because you have to try so hard.. it just isn’t right. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard. I’m not saying they’re effortless by any means, but when it just feels unnatural and fake— you have to ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”
And you keep patching things up, and every now and again that person throws you a bone, then you think to yourself— “Ok.. maybe [—-] isn’t so bad.” You make excuses for that person, and for what? I don’t even know anymore.
I can’t even rationalize this relationship in my head. There aren’t enough coping mechanisms in me right now to look past this.
My exact thoughts in this moment are..
Man.. I absolutely want to hate you. I want to cuss you the fuck out, and I have enough ammo to do it. But I just don’t.. I can’t care anymore. I don’t think I even have it in me to yell at you. There’s nothing to fix, nothing to reason.. no room for you in my life. The only people I get so angry about are people I love, but now I realize— you’re definitely not worth my anger anymore.
The sad part is— I knew. I’ve been knowing. But damn, I was hoping I was wrong about you. Damn.
