I have no idea why I don’t update this thing more often.
I also have no idea why I have several blogs strewn all over the internetS.
Life after college
Sucks.
I’d rather be knee deep in homework than have free time.
You ever notice that the people who have the most to say about humanity are those that are isolated?
I may be socially awkward, quiet, mysterious, [insert some adjective that most strangers describe me as]— but I do know a lot* about human behavior. Observations are what I do pretty darn well. I was definitely not trained to be personable, but trained to do research.
I’m pretty OK with that, actually.
*More than the average person
Relationships.
You know that relationship that is just so doomed for failure. The one that’s like a train wreck that both you and everyone else can see from miles away. You continue, knowing in the back of your head that if you just patch up things it only delays the inevitable wreck, but secretly hoping by the grace of God that you were wrong.
It’s like that on and off relationship that you just keep running to, or that old friendship that you hold onto because well you’ve been friends for this long, it’d seem like such a waste to let it go.
But—
when the bad starts outweighing the good, and that’s a constant factor.. and you hate yourself when you’re around that person because you have to try so hard.. it just isn’t right. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard. I’m not saying they’re effortless by any means, but when it just feels unnatural and fake— you have to ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”
And you keep patching things up, and every now and again that person throws you a bone, then you think to yourself— “Ok.. maybe [—-] isn’t so bad.” You make excuses for that person, and for what? I don’t even know anymore.
I can’t even rationalize this relationship in my head. There aren’t enough coping mechanisms in me right now to look past this.
My exact thoughts in this moment are..
Man.. I absolutely want to hate you. I want to cuss you the fuck out, and I have enough ammo to do it. But I just don’t.. I can’t care anymore. I don’t think I even have it in me to yell at you. There’s nothing to fix, nothing to reason.. no room for you in my life. The only people I get so angry about are people I love, but now I realize— you’re definitely not worth my anger anymore.
The sad part is— I knew. I’ve been knowing. But damn, I was hoping I was wrong about you. Damn.
At La Alhambra at the tower of candles.. and pretty much all I said was this is the view from this tower, and I miss you and I love you guys.
I have no finesse with Spanish, whatsoev. This was the end of week 1 though.. I like to think I’d say that sentence more smoothly now.
Random fact— this is my favorite song. It has been for about a decade now. This just happen to pop into my Pandora station. It knows me so well!
The art of Googling
As I was Googling my name to see what would pop up if potential employers decide to be creepy and dig way too much into my personal life— I found out I made the Dean’s List this past semester.. YAY!
My second time in my whole academic career. That’s the way to finish college.. with awesome grades, and a trip to Spain. I didn’t do too shabby.. I think!
Sometime soon I’ll start typing up a super long post about my five glorious weeks in España. But that’s a whole lot of typing. Clearly that won’t fit into one post. I mean I could.. heh, but that’d be way too much to read in one sitting.
“Important” things I’ve learned within the past two days..
- The best recipes are the ones that you make up as you go.. unfortunately for me, I can never remember what random stuff or what amount of what I put in anything.
- I over indulge in every shopping center. I have a major problem.
- I believe that my liberal arts degree is equivalent to a HS diploma.
- There’s nothing attractive about Mickey Rourke.
- More often than not, I’ll cry to a movie. But I didn’t cry when I watched The Notebook.. ?
- Nicholas Sparks’ movies are just.. I never want to watch another one again! In all fairness though, I did have to read Dear John because it reminded me of the Italian Stallion. Since I read the book, I had to watch the movie.
- No matter how close the moon is, if you put your thumb over it— it’s always about the same size. At least I learned something from that damn movie.
- People aren’t too bad.
- Spain has definitely made me stray away from what I normally order at restaurants. Habit, BROKEN!
- I should probably get started on that resume if I want to start
playingbeing an adult. Whatever.
I— really hope it doesn’t rain at the baseball game tomorrow. My phone says otherwise. Fudge.
For her sake, I’ll keep her anonymous. So much second hand embarrassment for her..
Prof Shad Saleem FarudiThe Quiet is So Loud
Adjusting back has not been too hard. I just did not realize I was used to certain things, such as noise. I much prefer the quiet here, but I guess while living in Madrid I got so accustomed to hearing noise constantly, especially while I was sleeping. It’s also pretty weird how much I don’t see people anymore. In Madrid, I step outside and the first person I talk to is usually the doorman who’s watering the gardens. I can easily see 100 people on the way to the metro stop. If I see 100 people in a day, then that might be shocking. People in cars do not count. Comparing the two places is just.. I can’t compare them, at all. It’s not even apples and oranges, because if Madrid is Fruit, Wichita Falls is definitely a vegetable. The only thing the two places have in common is that they’re locations, and that’s the extent of it. It’s so quiet, it’s loud! Too quiet.
I’m bored with you Wichita Falls, more bored than I’ve ever felt before. I want to break up with you, and as easy as it is for me to sever any relationship, this one would cost me a lot more than it has in the past. Mierda.
Well at least I have one thing to look forward to this week.. a baseball game on Friday. If there aren’t any thunderstorms on that particular day. I’ll hope that this time the weather forecast is wrong. I’ve never watched.. a baseball game before. The unis aren’t that flattering, it’s not that appealing to my eyes.. but we’ll see I suppose. Can’t knock it (too much) until I’ve tried it. By tried it, I mean watch the game.
In other news, I’m done with undergrad classes. In August, I should be a college graduate. Which is great.. in theory, I’m pretty excited about this. Then I think, ‘Oh wait, you still have a few more years to go! We’re only halfway, Miss Walton*.’
We must change that Miss to Doctor.
I have at least a year until grad school, which means I have that amount of time to figure out how to fund more education. School is expensive in the US. Way too damn expensive. I should be an expatriate during my grad school years.
*Yea, I do have a real last name.
Veintidos
In 19 days I will be 22. I guess I should make plans or something. Dinner, anyone?
Spain had me occupied, I didn’t even think about my birthday plans. Not really, at least. This 21st year of my life flew by super fast.. hmm.. decisions.
I’m getting a new car for my birthday! I knew I would.
An angry barista (not me).
This is one of those things you should probably not laugh at.. but.. (noticed the irony in this drink?)
